Just how important can body language be when managing difficult children? The influence of body language should not be underestimated. Research has found that in our communication, just 7% of a message is conveyed in words, 38% by vocal tone and command and 55% non-verbally. It is therefore essential that we consider our body language and vocal tone if we wish to successfully manage behaviour and difficult children.
To reinforce the importance of body language just think about how often we use it in everyday life – within the family or in the workplace. When we holiday abroad we often use it excessively when attempting to communicate, particularly in countries where we cannot speak the language.
Research at Manchester University by Professor of Linguistics, YaronMatras, found that nearly 75% of those surveyed had felt the need to gesticulate wildly when they did not know the local language. How often have you:
- Pretended to write on the palm of your hand to indicate that you want the bill (48%)
- Raised an imaginary glass to your lips when you want a drink (28%)
- Pretending to open an imaginary book when you want a menu (25%)
- Mimed you are desperate for the loo when you need to find a toilet (17%)
Leonardo da Vinci highlighted that people do not have the skills to read body language.
The average person looks without seeing, listens without hearing; touches without feeling; moves without physical awareness and talks without thinking.
Getting the body language right during our initial interactions with children is essential. It is during this time that they will make assumptions about what type of person you are and whether they can get away with inappropriate and challenging behaviour. The body language we display will have a real impact on how successful we are in managing behaviour. Is there a congruence between our verbal and non-verbal communication? If we are talking tough, does our body language confirm or contradict this?
It is important when dealing with difficult children to consider the following:
- Mark your territory – be at the classroom door and greet them on arrival to your class. Engage in eye contact and greet them in a low vocal tone.
- When speaking to the class avoid standing behind a barrier e.g. standing behind your table – stand in the open in an upright position with an open stance. Avoid closed body language such as folded arms.
- When speaking, use a strong confident voice and avoid a nervous tone. Practise speaking at the lower end of your two-octave vocal cord range. When nervous, we tend to speak at the higher end in a squeaky voice which indicates a lack of confidence.
- Use of silence can be very effective and is a very powerful tool to use. If you ask for silence, wait until you get it. When giving a command or dealing with a disciplinary interaction use tactical pausing. Use the child’s name, pause for up to 5 seconds then make your statement.
- When initially speaking to the whole class, stand in a position where you can scan or ‘lighthouse’ the whole group. It is important psychologically to be able to see the entire group. Position yourself so that you have a wide field of vision. Stand in your power position – which means if you are right eye dominant stand where you can scan the room from left to right, which means your right eye is more engaged. If you are left eye dominant, you would do the opposite.
- Scan the group slowly or stop for a moment to engage in eye contact with the key influencers in the room (the alpha males and alpha females).
- It is essential that you patrol all areas frequently. Avoid having no-go areas. As Winnie The Pooh said ‘You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.’ (Winnie ThePooh’s Little Instruction Book). Patrol the perimeter of the room and always keep the maximum number of children in your gaze. A good position to stand is at the back of the room – as it is difficult for children to see where you are.
- Standing behind a child who is misbehaving and saying nothing can be highly effective.
- Use proximity and level – moving into a child’s 46cm personal space bubble but without saying anything can be effective. It is important not to move much closer. Sitting at the same level or at a slightly lower level can aid effective communication with a child displaying difficult behaviour. Doing this will reduce the chances of conflict escalating.
- Bodily orientation – the angle and direction in which your body points can indicate a lot. If you point yourself away it can indicate negativity. Standing face to face can inflame conflict. It is best to stand at right angles to the person or in some situations it is better to stand, leaning slightly forward and square on to make more of your stature.
- Facial expressions – avoid increased rate of blinking as this can indicate anxiety (20 blinks per minute is the normal rate). Narrowing our eyes or lowering our eyebrows can give a sign of dominance or control. Keeping our mouths set in a resolute position (horizontal mouth position) can be controlling.
- Use appropriate non-verbal cues which will carry a clear, unspoken message, direction or reminder e.g. finger to lips when requesting quiet.
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Eye contact and gaze – appropriate use of eye contact is the key to successful behaviour management. With some children you need to keep your gaze in the triangular area between their eyes and the centre of their forehead. By doing this you keep in control of the interaction. Staff who manage behaviour effectively use their eye contact in a confident manner – they adopt smooth and slow eye movements and are not fazed by looking at a child for an extended period.
Avoid giving off frightened or passive messages e.g. staring in the distance or looking at the ground. Eye dips are a submissive gesture. Also avoid eye shuttle (flicking eyes from side to side) which is a startle response and a submissive gesture. If a pupil is misbehaving, move into their line of sight and establish eye contact with a stare. Give your direction and move away to allow them take up time to comply. A child’s eyes can tell you a lot about them – their pupil size might indicate (in the correct lighting conditions) if they are in a more positive frame of mind. Large dilated pupils will indicate this. Note that if their pupils are still small then they are still feeling angry.
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Body postures you adopt can also have an effect on your ability to successfully manage challenging behaviour. The posture you adopt can have an impact on your voice. Adopt a relaxed and upright posture to aid your vocal delivery. Avoid blaming postures which involve finger stabbing and non-fluid gestures which can be seen as aggressive. Placating gestures – a non-assertive posture should be avoided as it shows a significant sign of weakness. Distracting postures, where you use a variety of positions and movements of arms and legs which remove attention from yourself are not useful. It is best to adopt levelling and sequencing postures where the palms of the hands are facing downwards and measured, controlled movements are made from the side to the centre of the body. These movements can have a calming effect and give an indication that someone is being truthful.
- We need to control gestures we use to support what we are saying. Some gestures are at an unconscious level and can give away our emotions or true feelings e.g. body tics – frequent switches and movements in the body, touching your face, fiddling with glasses, lip pursing, nostril flare, hair stroking, finger tapping or frequent adjustment of clothes.
- Building rapport –When dealing with angry and badly behaving students it is important to think how to develop a rapport with them.
– Angry students will speak using words of their sensory preference. Listen to this and mirror the language of their sensory preference back to them. For example if a student tells you: ‘I can’t see the point’ theyhave a visual sensory preference and therefore you should reply using visual language: ‘Lets look at it again.’Alternatively a student with an auditory sensory preference might say ‘I am frustrated because you are not listening to me.’ Thus a suitable response on your part could be ‘I hear what you have said’: you could then paraphrase some of the things the student had just said. And once again, someone with a kinaesthetic sensory preference might say ‘It feels like nobody likes me in this group’. Whereby your response might be ‘Hang on a minute’ – followed by examples of where you and other students have been supportive of them.
– Use mirroring, matching, and cross-over matching of students’ body language:
Matching involves adopting the same body language as the student. If they rest their left hand on their right shoulder you should do the same.
Mirroring involves providing a mirror image, so you would need to put your right hand onto your left shoulder.
Cross-over matching involves you matching their breathing rate (breathing in unison) or responding to their blink breathing rate by tapping your hands on your side or tapping feet at the same rate. If you do this then the student should unconsciously feel a sense of connection with you.
– Use mismatching and breaking the rapport. This is the opposite of matching and can be utilised in certain situations where you wish to indicate to the student that you have had enough of the stance they are taking on an issue. To do this you need to break eye contact, look at your watch, gaze over their shoulder, and use facial tells – raising your eyebrows, changing the sound of your voice, or walking away.
– Listen to their speech patterns and try to adopt their rate of speech, using similar intonations and rhythms.
– Use similar sentence length and colloquialisms.
– Practise Interactional Synchronizing whereby you move in a similar way.
– Build rapport through gaze by directly looking at the student for two to three seconds.
– Try to gauge a student’s emotional state and establish an emotional rapport by acknowledging their feelings and matching their strength of feeling in your voice.
- Spatial anchoring – Think about where you stand for different purposes in your learning environment. We all use spatial anchoring or spotlight states in our teaching. Imagine the classroom as a theatrical stage with spotlights set up to highlight certain areas where actors will congregate at different times in the play. You can then choose various spotlight areas that are suitable for your particular purpose and stand in these in order to evoke a specific response from learners. For example we will have a point in the room where we will stand in order to control the group and sanction them – this is the ‘discipline position’. We will also have a position where we will sit for informal / relaxed conversations and we will have a position we stand in when we are imparting knowledge. We may also have a variety of locations when we move around the room from which we praise students – for example, often making use of our proximity and level, and usually crouching to one side of a student. Remember that at the end of a session it is worthwhile having a relaxed ending – thanking learners for their input and say that you look forward to working with them at the next session. Adopting these various positions will help us in managing the behaviour of difficult children.
If you practice a number of these strategies relating to body language then your work with difficult children will be easier.
Dave Vizard, Behaviour Solutions
References
Borg, J. (2008), Body Language (Harlow: Pearson)
Churches, R. and Terry, R. (2007), NLP for Teachers (Carmarthen: Crown House Publishing Ltd)
Collett, P. (2003), The Book of Tells (London: Bantam Books)
Vizard, D. (2012), How To Manage Behaviour In FE, 2nd Edition (London: PCP/Sage)
Vizard, D. (2009), Meeting the Needs of Disaffected Students (London: Network/Continuum)
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